According to a consulting firm’s study conducted of managers and CEO’s, one of the biggest fears they have is addressing conflict. Although it seems like dealing with conflict would be one of the chief job descriptions of people in those kinds of leadership positions, they still dread it.
Their study summarized the top three reasons people avoid conflict.
1) False assumptions about limited information,
2) Mistaking determination for rigidity,
3) Lack of confidence.
Most of these have to do with one party not understanding the other party. For many of the problems that we have with other people, the solution to resolving them may not be as hard as we think.
Avoiding conflict doesn't reduce tension; if anything, it escalates it. Issues become bigger, resentment grows, people become disengaged and feel powerless to solve their problems.
For business leaders, the profitability of their company may depend on them confronting problems within the company, but for most relationships, getting your way doesn’t determine the success of your relationship.
Most of the New Testament is written to churches or people dealing with conflict within a congregation. One group doesn’t want to accept the other for whatever reason. Ultimately, half of most conflicts are rooted in pride. For Christians, humility is what we should be striving for, not pride. By pursuing humility, we can actually thwart many “problems” we face.
The other half of how we perceive conflicts is because of fear. This too is a characteristics that we should constantly be asking God for strength in. Once we can focus on the big picture of whatever it is we’re facing, we may begin to realize that the risk involved in confronting someone may actually serve everyone better in the end. Yet few seem to stand firm in the face of fear.
Paul reminded Timothy that “God didn’t give us a Spirit of fear, but of power, love, and discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7). God reminded Joshua in Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Our job is trusting God to give us the wisdom and the strength if we’ll simply do the right thing with the right motives.
James says in James 4:1-3, “What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.”
Jesus gave us a great conflict resolution model in Matthew 18:15-20 where He walks us through the process of doing what so many are afraid to do. However, as we read in James, our motive for addressing a conflict is crucial. Remember that Jesus told us in Matthew 5 to just turn the other cheek, to let them win essentially. Paul echoed that same message when talking about “stumbling blocks” to the brethren.
When we “think of others as more important than ourselves,” we not only fulfill a Godly instruction, we can dissolve a ton of conflicts before they turn into something bigger. The motive then can be defined by what is best for the soul of all the people involved. Sometimes that means we may need to surrender our will to someone else’s, and sometimes that may mean we need to rise up and intercede for someone else who needs help.
It's ironic, when you accept conflict as an inevitable part of business and relationships; you wind up with less of it. The more confidence you have in God to handle disagreements by either instruction or the guidance of the Holy Spirit, the quicker you resolve them. Handling a conflict isn't the worst thing in the world. But letting one go unresolved can cause you big problems.
Is there a conflict you need to face? Follow the example of David against Goliath and face them with the confidence that comes from Lord. Jesus said in Matthew 5:23-24:
23) Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,
24) leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”
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